Aisha: You know, the situation in each relation, it is simply that there are two wounds that fit together, it’s very simple. And then when they come together they flash up because that which made things fit together is also the potential for its healing. So the only thing to do within that is to continuously and constantly allow the unfolding to happen with deepest patience and Compassion. To accept the state of pain and not run into fantasies and dreams and hopes, but actually deal with reality, deal with what’s present.
And it’s never a one-man job. It always takes two to allow the healing of that which occurs in each other’s company like that. But that doesn’t mean that then you are responsible for him and his, or the other way around. So that in you which runs the guilt trip, you have to give that up, because it’s just simply inaccurate.
What you have to see is that that which is being invoked with him – that you have co-created this situation but that it is happening out of past wirings, past pain. And from there, there can be a mutual taking each other’s hands in walking together through that. But it takes determination, and it very much takes dedication.
Suicide is just a thought, and what he wants to do with his life, that’s his business. But if you are doing this with him then you are doing it together. And then that ‘anything’ that wants to walk with thoughts of, or hopes or dreams of giving up, there is no room for that. So in terms of that which plays around with thoughts like that, that can be called to the table. That can be called out.
Because in terms of choosing Love and choosing love for Her – which means the two of you as human beings, included, right there – your withholding the reality of Her ferocity when it comes to these things, like playing around with life like this, that’s deeply irresponsible, you know? That’s the inner feeling. But instead you put guilt over it and then you withdraw the energy which is actually there ready to wipe that off the table. And because of the weakness that is playing out in front of you, then you think, “okay but then I have to be like” (gestures withdrawing).
Did you see what was happening right here now, (points to an empty place where a student had been sitting and speaking)? There was something sitting there and it was playing weak. It was talking to me as if it wanted to talk with me. But it didn’t at the same time. The subtleties were, like what I heard in my ear was like “help me, help me, I don’t want to take responsibility for myself.” And right there – no response. Because the only thing I can do is cut her head off. But she needs to learn to deal with that place herself.
So that in you which withdraws into some kind of guilt and then retracts your energy, rather than stand there and be bloody present with that which comes with threats and all of this, you have to learn to see behind the surface of that. You have to learn to see what is him and how he can be called out in reality. And how he just simply needs to – he needs to step up and take his own responsibility. But that goes for you too. Yes, exactly.
So in that sense all of what you are doing together must be rooted in Truth. And you have to walk with Truth and not with these (wiggles fingers) – all of the flashes of guilt and this and that. I mean all of the interpretations must go. There can be no interpretations. There can be a straight up meeting with pain and that we can do together, or there can be all of this withdrawing and all of these kinds of things from not wanting to meet the pain. But everything that’s happening from that place of not wanting to meet the pain is dishonest, to say it straight.
So the ferocity of Her needs to come through you, you can’t sit back with this inverted, wounded woman. You have to take care of yourself, and when you’re taking care of yourself, you can actually require, demand, call him to take care of himself rather than you both going into this (twists hands and makes a deep ‘whap’ sound). Yes?
I do understand that as women that we hold this (deep inhale) “Are we allowed to be that feminine power? Are we allowed to actually to call it out? Are we allowed to claim it and name it as it is?” Because it’s almost like we are so used to doubting our own voice, we’re so used to being ashamed of our own voice and therefore we’d rather retract it, and thereby the moment we do that it’s over. It’s over, She’s gone.
If you abandon yourself, if you abandon the Feminine reality there is no way in hell your man won’t. You are the foot, you are the foundation of that Love which includes the Feminine in the relationship. And if you won’t be that, you cannot expect it to come from him, you know? It’s your Essence.