The puzzle of man and woman is the main issue in which people so long to find the balance of harmony and peace – and not without reason. The resolve of ones relationship to the masculine and feminine carries within it the seed to the realization of Life and Truth. The loving and peaceful relationship is possible, when both man and woman find it in themselves to let go, trust and embrace that, which IS…
As we grow up spiritually, we find ourselves changing a lot. Not only our view of the world and everything in it, but our values, our likes and dislikes, what matters and what doesn’t. As we start growing up, we find ourselves standing more and more out from the mainstream – as we dare to allow ourselves to be differentt and live apart from all the illusions, hopes and dreams, which run the show for everyone else.
Through the development of our Heart, Mind and Being, we come to see- and value that, which by the general public is invisible and considered to be without value. Less becomes more, and Nothing becomes Everything as we grow strong in our Truth, independent and impenetrable by the opinions, views and behavior of the spiritual children. It becomes obvious, that there is a choice to be made between Truth or belonging – and the real One… Always chooses Truth.
It happens however, more often than not, that the radical choice of Truth, is reflected directly into our surroundings. This article portrays some of the main points learned on the way to the reach of true Peace and Harmony, living alongside another human being. For it IS possible for humans to find each other and themselves deeply enough to be radical and become true, side by side. We do after all create our own reality…
In the relationship to our Self, in the relation to another, it must be realized that…
Willingness to take responsibility for our Self and Self-investigation is key
We are always responsible for our own Truth, growth and clarity. It makes no sense to point anywhere in times of trouble, because the responsibility of being and staying Real is always- and only a One-man job! Taking the blow to the ego with a smile is the greatest virtue of all…
Caring enough to let all be seen – regardless of where the monkey is buried – is the true benefit of being together
In the relation there is, along with the individual’s responsibility to dissolve that (in him- or her Self), a mutual responsibility to let no nonsense pass by and be forgotten. All unclarity must be handled immediately and as it rises – nothing can be saved for later.
There can be no dishonesty, no privacy and no insisting on- or in any part of us
Our willingness to apply the same honesty and disclosure to our Self as to the one we are in relation to, is a way of burning out that part of the egoic structure, which makes a difference between ones Self and the Self of others. Our realization of being everything entails the responsibility of taming the dragon according to the Heart.
We must realize that our Way is our Way and no one else’s
Our True Being is empty and has no special demands assigned to it. Yet no other Way can count, than that which is found through our surrender to see and live, according to our highest Truth. Our willingness to become true by doing what we have to do and saying what we have to say, is what allows us to pass the gates in our Self. Know and respect that the other is not where you are in your Life – no one is alike.
Being together is never about compromising or finding a half-way between ego’s, but about surrendering to the Way which effortlessly and obviously lives as that which IS
Without this realization, many subtle layers of ego have their hold on us. For this reason alone, only the dedication to Truth can be the ground of our living together.
The relation must be based on the wish to both be- and become true… not on finding a safe-place for that which we are not
There must be an inherent wish to admit to- and allow the removal of all limitation – a demand to let live only that, which lives by itself. There can be no resistance to change, based on a solidity in “I am like this!”. Letting go of resistance and negativity is each our own responsibility.
Dreams and hopes are for the relationship what the net is to the butterfly
Any relation built on a want to live a dream is a direct obstacle to living Truth together. No emotional or romantic idea of an “us”, any specific future or static picture can be the grounds of a true relation. The dream of a soul-mate is in itself like poison to the relation, which can only become true by our realization of the missing Soul to be our Self.
There must be no contracts based on covering each other’s egoic needs
The relation must be based on a wish to live and grow alongside another human being – a mutual agreement to support each other’s becoming based on real needs and not wishes and wants. Any contract stating otherwise or signed to cover egoic needs are the setting sail for expectations, fake love and hatred; and always eventually resembles a hostage-situation, more than anything else.
We have to be completely fearless – and choose to trust always
It is impossible for us to stay uncompromising and real, if we allow ourselves to be haunted by the fear of losing. In the embrace of Truth, we must be willing to lose everything, which is not naturally there given by Grace and our devotion to Truth. Our only job is to be straight, to be true and let the rest be up to the Way of Life.
Choosing the partner can only happen from no-choice, and the relationship only exist as a confirmation- and stating of the obvious
Being in a relationship, it is not our responsibility to push or pull for growth to happen in our partner. Any ambition of wanting the other to change, can only be based on our wants for our Self. True Love doesn’t want anything. Choose your partner with your Heart and by loving truly what you see/feel behind the level of appearances – and never quit on the Truth…
Simple rules of engagement…
Nothing is left unsaid or undone and whatever starts is finished
If trouble arises, it is always a result of two ego’s brushing up against each other. If just One of the two was being completely true, the limit of the other would bounce directly into Space – no echo, no problem. For that reason it never makes any sense to discuss who started what. The fact of the situation is, limits are there and need to be seen through. At this point, things can only be resolved in a beneficial manner, by admittance to- and realization of the entire situation, with both parties agreeing to keep looking at it, until all is seen.
Never allow action from reaction
While there must be room for errors (which don’t repeat themselves endlessly and without improvement), it is of great importance, that the love and respect for the other, is prioritized and maintained through all situations. This means, that both parties are responsible for not acting based on reaction. In case an emotional reaction happens, it is our responsibility to not place our emotionality on the lap of the other. One is best off retracting, retracing one’s steps and realizing what is what. When things have become clear, communication can happen.
Letting go is as important as uniting fully
Consciousness breathes, and for the Love/Life which is shared to make any kind of difference, we need to return to our Self. The unity that happens in coming together, has to be digested through the return to and spending time with one’s Self. Only by the return to our own Being, with no “other”, can the Love/Life shared, come to be beneficial for our growth. Being together, however lovely it is, is the rise of Life in Space. The desire for grabbing and holding on to that Love/Life must be transformed by each of us.
We both carry responsibility for being All and Nothing
For the agreement with each other to be equal to the agreement with our Self, both man and woman in the relation, need to embrace the fact of being responsible for his and her own growth. No one can take responsibility for the other in trade for the other covering the first one’s lack of ability. We do not support each other’s growth by filling each other’s holes, but by demanding each and both to be all he or she can be. The friend and Life-partner is not there to make life easier for you, but to support you in your becoming. And in this, no areas of our being can be left out.
In addition, there is some basic knowledge, which is good to know about the male and female principle…
His essence is Space, Emptiness, and it is to that Space, that he surrenders most easily.
As he surrenders to his Self, His nature is Silence, in which he needs to seek, to find the key for the movement of Life.
His surrender to Life and Space completes him.
He holds the key, in His essence, to that door which is most distant to her.
Her essence is Life, Love, and it is to that Life, that she surrenders most easily.
As she surrenders to her Self, Her nature is movement, in which she needs to seek, to find the key for the silence of Space.
Her surrender to Life and Space completes her.
She holds the key, in Her essence, to that door which is most distant to him.
We each must find in ourselves the definite- and unceasing Will to Truth, as well as our complete surrender to Life. This is what creates the integration between Life and Space, and it happens through the breath of consciousness. No being in human form is beyond any of these aspects, and so there are specific areas in the egoic structure on different levels, which cannot be dissolved without taking the time to fully embrace Love, just as time is needed to fully die into Emptiness.The desire to be “One” with someone else, is nothing short of a confirmation of ego’s attempt to jump the fence of its own death and Self’s realization. We are here to realize our Self, and so the “other” can never be anything but a display of That which we can find in our Self. A part of our human existence does, however, remain unfulfilled, until we take the consequence of our hearts desire to embrace the task of meeting fully the essence of our opposite sex. It is simply loving oneself, as human, enough to give the gift of Love.
As we come together as man and woman, the main obstacle is that of missing the obvious difference between our beings – our Essence. If we jump into the same boat, with the idea that we are alike, we are both lost. If we stay with our own Being, we can learn from one another. The calling inside each of us towards Oneness, is the calling to realize our Selves as Soul. It is based on the natural movement of consciousness towards its own completion.
The intimacy and peace between humans can only ever rest on the fruit of our surrender and work towards our Self. In the relation to another (partner, child or any other), what matters, is that we are courageous enough to let go- and loving enough to neither push nor pull towards any desired outcome. True Love was never about loving someone else – but about loving Being. The only thing to fight for is Nothing (Truth of Emptiness), and so our want of something is the only element standing in our way of being and living as Everything. In Reality, there is no one to relate to, and so our surrender to Space and pure Being is the only Way to realize the Truth.
(An article written in 2011 by Aisha Salem, www.aishasalem.com)