Student: You know that I’ve been facing really deep wounding in the last few months. Recently there’s also been a deep yearning to know myself as silence as well, to feel and experiment and investigate the space of me. So I’m wondering how these two movements might co-exist because I don’t want to bypass this movement downward that seems to be quite alive right now, but there’s a real calling, and I think I really need it because I’ve been meeting layers that I’ve not been able… that I’ve been completely reactive about and have not been able to hold with any kind of responsibility and I can own that.
Aisha: There’s no “now this is what I do and then I stop this.” This is your life, this is your life, this is what you’re living, and there’s no separation between the two. Do you remember what I said yesterday with “first I get a gun to my head, like a bullet through the brain, and then afterwards the passion comes full throttle?” So you see right there for me it’s within minutes, but there’s no “okay now I have to do this” and then affecting, manipulating things in a way so that that which is actually happening and going on, is like “stop from happening”, that would be manipulation, yes – like stopping life from happening.
What’s very much been drawing you into the mud the last month is also our connection, simply that the landing here is so solid now that the whole of gateway are being (gestures pulling down), yes. So everyone is working very intensely, but of course that doesn’t in any way close off the silence, it just means that now it’s really, really, really all inclusive. And it puts greater demands on you, yes, but it also turns up the rate of your growth in every possible way because being your Being is inviting itself to be recognised and realised across every dimension. And it’s not “now it’s this, and then it’s this and then it’s this”, but it’s more like that complete non-linearity, which in one moment invites you deeper and the next moment, because you’ve gone deeper, there is a need for a greater silence so your inner call is towards the silence. You sit yourself down, you cultivate the silence, there it is, a deepening into the silence and then all of a sudden that is the actual opening door for the next layer, you understand? So all of this is working together, and it’s working so immensely intelligently that it would be very unwise to sit and try and make a decision from your head, that would be like hitting the breaks on it.
So dealing with everything and giving yourself… don’t place yourself in situations where you can’t ‘one or the other’, you know? But allow your life to unfold in a way where you can both have space to pull back and be more of the silence, to investigate and drop deeper into silence, and then after that, rather than starting making the silence into something, to allow that to be applied, to let it apply itself into your living life afterwards. You see the intelligence of that? You can’t determine anything there. Right there it’s all learning within Being. This is what we’re going for guys, so you can’t sit with it with these – as if “this is the teaching” – “it’s like this or like this”. The deeper the intelligence the more the fluctuation of exactly that, it will be like, it’s so intelligent, it’s so immediate.
Student: Okay. I was sort of hoping that I’d get four months on my own somewhere.
Aisha: I mean you can feel, you can hear if that’s what you feel like doing. But chances are… yes but you will know, you will know. And in a way you say “hope this and that”, but I would rather invite you to actually feel into what wants to happen, you understand? Because if you feel into what wants to happen, what needs to happen as life itself then you may be sitting for four months, or you may be sitting for a month, or not at all, that comes down to your listening. The beauty of it is that actually that you can’t really go wrong because something a lot larger than that has actually got the handle on all of this, yes. So if you make a move and you can feel that “okay, it’s actually not the right move”, you can actually feel it inside of you, that if you take a specific move and it’s actually not to the point, you can feel that you start building ego there, because it will take something for you to stay there, you understand? So as long as you are not attached to what you’re doing, you can do anything, as long as you stay non-attached in the way that you can feel that “okay, actually, what I’m doing now is making me less”. But if I stay there and life doesn’t want me there it’s making you more, like you become ‘someone’ – more ‘someone’. So right there as long as you keep the temperature on yourself, like what is peeling me off and what is building me up, then navigate according to that.