There’s a part of me I never touch, I know my heart’s been broken many times, but I feel I keep it open and I feel I am not scared of vulnerability. But I am scared, I fear suffering. Somehow, I let myself go into vulnerability, but at the same time, there’s a lot of fear of suffering, I know it in my heart somehow and that doesn’t let me touch myself, it doesn’t let life touch me, it doesn’t let you touch me. It’s about surrendering, it’s about how to really drop that defence.
At the basis of what you’re saying, there is a need for recognition of what is true, and a loyalty to Truth waiting to happen. You speak about defence, and you speak as if you have a choice. Everything you’ve just said, is said from that, which is waiting to simply fall off.
And rather than making it wrong, I want you to ignite a deeper, to ignite as a deeper care and a stronger commitment to Truth. You need to come into a deeper recognition and being as silence is necessary. There is a straightness to be found within that, an operation on what is true and moving with what is true, rather than the following of the ‘somebodyness’.
To meet yourself deeper; this is necessary. This full commitment to Truth is necessary. Rather than the ‘someone’ thinking ‘I will never get there’, an invitation for an even deeper straightness with everything. Not a living your life and trying to find Truth within that, but a letting go and letting your life fall apart, so that life can start living you. ‘Someone’ living a life will never get there, because there is nowhere to get, it’s here and now, and in this here and now you have a choice, of love over fear, of true, real, pure life over story, over imagination.
Coming to life happens as we take the consequence of Being, or standing by our deepest knowing. Not by respecting the fear.