Growing Through Pain

StudentI’m just thinking as you’re speaking about those beings who remain in defence and defence and defence, and there’s a desperate, not desperate but, such a longing here to always meet in the way that you speak of – I would say it’s rare to meet at the level you’re speaking of, and hard for this one when there’s not the capacity in another being.


AishaThe pain of “We can’t meet”.


Student: Yeah, and sadness, there’s sadness in there sometimes and that’s like I… kind of “Here I am again”, I felt that, you know?


AishaCan I respond?


Student: Hmm, please.


Aisha: You know when you say this about the defences – that’s basically everyone. Everyone.  So yes, when you do demand – I could say – to stand truly naked, you will find people in their various capacities, but you will also find that the fact that it is like that is a beautiful invitation for you to root deeper and deeper and deeper as that Compassion.


And what is met right there is your loneliness, you see? But we can’t, we can’t enter into a proper realm of intimacy out of a fear of loneliness.  It is like we need to meet the depth of loneliness again and again and again, until we end separating ourselves from that inner Love, which is ourselves and which makes us complete whether we are met or not, yes?


But that’s exactly what it comes down to; the continuous willingness to meet the pain of our human existence – mine and yours – to meet that over and over with the deeper and deeper and deeper ‘yes’ to be Compassion, to be Love with all of it.  You see in that experience when there isn’t ability to intimacy, first – if I am to speak on my own behalf – first there is a meeting with the deeper pain of everything, there is a dying into that pain.


And then the whole body of my Compassion goes (makes a sound and a gesture of dropping and widening), and all of a sudden, I can completely contain the pain, whatever hides in the human being of whatever it is – aggression, deep ‘no’ and pain, rejection – all of that stuff we’ve got going on, yes?  But to be able to rest down through that, to stay unaffected, to stay in Love… and stay as that (breathes out/sighs), of full acceptance, of no judgement.


But the thing is that no matter where people are in their capacity, they are capable of loving.  No matter how much, how little, how deeply, it doesn’t matter, we all have it in us because it’s our nature.  So our ‘yes’ to do that, our ‘yes’ to be that is the only thing it takes, and then that capacity grows and grows, and our cycles grow and grow, and even if it can be overwhelming to start with and we are challenged at every fucking turn, we grow through that ‘yes’, we grow through that ‘yes’. And the cycles they become bigger and bigger, and we become more and more – our whole lives – become more and more permeated by the reality that Love is the better part of it.


We can still get into the hardship, but then we’re even deeper and the cycle is even deeper, even bigger, and just that breath, it’s… I find it to be immensely beautiful, simply. Yes. And in a way, I could almost even say that when we are ready, when we are willing ourselves to be that kind of naked, everything else is ready too.

© 2019 Aisha Salem

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