From Intensity to Intimacy

Student:  You mentioned to me today to get off the hook, you know when I was very ecstatic, so I’m not conscious of what it is about, I ask for some guidance here, to be conscious.

Aisha:  So the thing is that we have the intensity and we have the intimacy.  The intimacy itself is extremely intense for us because we are not used to being naked, we are not used to being intimately naked with ourselves, so it is experienced as intensity to start with.

Being with you guys now, you feel a different kind of intensity, it’s less ‘the big universal arm movements’, and a lot more about allowing that intensity to come into the intimacy.

So to ride the intensity, there’s nothing wrong with letting go into and discovering the intensity, it’s a part of it as well. But when we can’t get out of the intensity, then it’s almost like we are addicted, there is a part in there that gets addicted to the intensity and rides it, it’s like tripping.

The addiction itself, this addictive force is a force we need to really, really meet in ourselves, in the sense of coming into total love of ourselves as human beings.  We need to fall in love with ourselves intimately. You see some people can use the smallness to avoid the bigness. And some people do the opposite, they use the bigness to avoid the smallness.

The thing is that for your freedom to be the case you need to be as free around the intensity as you are around the intimacy.  And when it comes to the coming in, there is a level of control over it, in the sense that we really like the expansion and we don’t like brokenness so much.  So unless you consciously embrace the brokenness, then all of those parts of you which don’t like pain are going to (waves left hand in the air), you see? So there is a piece of conscious work involved with embracing yourself to the depths. And in one way I could say – I cannot really use the word ‘control’ – and in another way it’s almost like conscious parenting of yourself.  But it’s not control in the sense of ego control, you know? It’s more like a stepping into taking responsibility for taking care of yourself. That really demands something from us, because when we start touching in on those levels, touching in, in the depths, there’s a lot of responsibility that needs to be taken because the whole wrath, the whole aggression, the pain, all of that which can project and all of that stuff – you will meet that.  But if you move in there consciously, you will meet it consciously, and it’s a dealing with over and over and over taking responsibility, taking responsibility, because these things, they were always the case, what happened before was that you were blind-sighted by your sub-conscious. It would appear and then you would be like (looks up and flicks her head), like that. And probably less you than a lot of other people, because you have grown so accustomed to the actual complete (gestures separation) – you have been very, very separated from your humanity in many ways, and it’s been a survival technique, a technique which kept you safe when you needed to be safe back in time.  But now, you don’t need to move like that anymore. Now you can move opposite, now you can take responsibility, now you can come into your body, now you can consciously and lovingly deal with these broken parts of you.

But your disconnection has been your coping strategy, so there really is something to investigate in yourself fully, and allowing yourself to come in to the full compassion towards all of the broken parts.  To have compassion towards that in you which you already can like, but to come in as full compassion for those parts of you which you don’t like, because when we can take those in eye-height, when we can become conscious at the bottom line despite those, then we don’t space out the moment they appear.  Then we don’t need to separate ourselves from the body when they appear.

But it really requires an uprooting of all of those preferences we have, all of that which makes ‘good and bad’ inside of us and around us.

Student:  Thank you so much for delivering these gifts of consciousness, so much appreciated, thank you.

Aisha:  My pleasure.

© 2018 Aisha Salem

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